Parenting Merit Badges

The other day I was thinking about how far I’ve come since becoming a dad. I mean, I had changed a diaper exactly one time before Oliver was born. (One time too many, if you ask me.) Now I can change the diaper of a writhing 16-month-old in seconds.

But feelings of accomplishment aside, I also thought that as parents, we should really have something to show for all our newfound skills (besides, you know, living, well-adjusted children). So I present to you, in no particular order, the Parenting Merit Badges:

Got Pooped On Merit Badge

Got Pooped On merit badge
(Most parents get this in the first week.)

Got Pooped On and Didnt Care Merit Badge

And for the more advanced: Got Pooped On And Didn’t Care merit badge

toy in my shoe merit badge

Found Toys In My Shoes merit badge

Vomited On merit badge

Got Vomited On merit badge
(Spit up doesn’t count… trust me.)

Went to ER Merit Badge

Went to the ER merit badge
(A sad, but common merit badge.)

stand and nurse merit badge

Breastfed While Standing merit badge
(Mom only–sorry Dad!)

Back to Work Merit Badge

Back to Work Merit Badge
(for that tragic day)

I’ll add more in the future. Especially as I achieve them and want some self-recognition.

What are some other merit badges you think parents should get?



  1. Joseph Lavoie · December 19, 2014

    Ha! Love these! I could use one for the 5am wakeup calls 🙂


    • Scott · December 19, 2014

      Good one! Fortunately, my son wakes up closer to 6:30, but I know those days are coming.


  2. Tiffany Knoebel Malloy · December 19, 2014

    changing your 1000th diaper (and 5,000th and 10,000th)… 🙂


    • Scott · December 19, 2014

      Do you count??


  3. hypedad · January 2, 2015

    “My 16 year old daughter hates me” badge.
    “I tried breastmilk” badge.
    “I wore sweatpants to the grocery store” badge.

    These are fun.


    • Scott · January 5, 2015

      Ha! I’ve got awhile before my daughter is a teenager–she’s only 3 months old now!
      The breast milk one is hilarious… and gross, haha.

      Liked by 1 person

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