Parenting Merit Badges

The other day I was thinking about how far I’ve come since becoming a dad. I mean, I had changed a diaper exactly one time before Oliver was born. (One time too many, if you ask me.) Now I can change the diaper of a writhing 16-month-old in seconds.

But feelings of accomplishment aside, I also thought that as parents, we should really have something to show for all our newfound skills (besides, you know, living, well-adjusted children). So I present to you, in no particular order, the Parenting Merit Badges:

Got Pooped On Merit Badge

Got Pooped On merit badge
(Most parents get this in the first week.)

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Having a Newborn Is Like Having a Vampire

vampire baby

I want to suck your milk!


I’m not on the vampire bandwagon. I haven’t seen or read the Twilight series. (To be fair, I’m not in their target demographic of 14-year-old girls and Twilight moms.) I don’t watch True Blood or read Anne Rice, and I thought Dracula was pretty slow and boring when I read it in high school.

That being said, I’ve come to realize how much having a newborn is like inviting a vampire into your home. Read More